Changing Your Life

It has been a while since I wrote in either of my blogs; the reason for this is well… I’ve been busy.

After all my travels (Florida, Texas, Italy, NYC, etc), I went straight into busy season and simply trying to improve my life even more.

Some of the more recent life changes for a healthier body, mind and spirit:

• I’ve implemented a strict budget and have restricted my outings, trips and unplanned purchases
• I’ve started to work out every morning before work
• Prior to working out I do my usual coffee and reading
• I’ve attempted to do this coffee and reading without checking my phone, but it is harder said than done
• I have began a strict meal plan and in order to move on to a healthier meal plan, I’ve resolved to consume everything on my pantry/fridge by the end of the month (which is also why you haven’t seen very many new recipes)
• I’ve incorporated an afternoon green tea into my routine; this sorta breaks up the day and allows me to relax even while I’m at work and stressing

As I believe I wrote about on my other blog, I started seeing someone and I should probably write a post on that story alone because it is very romantic and sweet. His love has made me completely forget about everything that happened before and I am very much in love. Not much else to say on that front; distance is the only struggle, but the attraction and our feelings are there.

What do YOU want today?

I am back from visiting my family and my niece; life is sort of falling into place and getting back into its own rhythm.

I am sad about how I left things with my sister, but my family is strong and we love each other dearly so I am not too concerned. Right now the most important thing is that lovely baby that stole all our hearts.

Being back is a struggle and my heart aches at not being able to hold her whenever I want anymore. I feel the need to bring up the birth and baby pictures to anybody I encounter, which I should really stop doing.

Aside from that, I am soon hosting a dinner for 20+ of my friends, which has me a little bit on the anxious yet excited side. I will be making a bunch of recipes from the cookbook I am trying to finish on my other blog (Laura in the Kitchen) plus some other authentic Puertorrican foods.

This dinner has me nervous for a variety of different reasons, but primarily because I see it as a way of mending ties with my ex-boyfriend and I’s common acquaintances. Common friends is always a gray area as I’ve mentioned on some of my previous posts, but I figured I’d set up the opportunity to open the lines of friendship. Not like I can think of anything better to do and if all else fails, then at least my own friends will be there too to have my back!

Aside from that, there is a possibility that I’ll be going on assignment to Argentina for two months later this year!

Being positive for me is a constant choice and when things like these happen, it just helps to strengthen my belief that good things come if you truly put yourself out there and try. Let go of negative influences and focus on yourself! If something feels wrong for you, then don’t do it. Realize that you can get through any tough time on your own and that you can also make wonderful things happen.

Although I wish to mend things with this circle of friends, I also realize that their constant presence in my life isn’t necessary. I do my best to foster relationships and focus on friendships/family because I’ve chosen that those things are worth it, but ultimately what I wish to focus on is myself and my goals! I want to cook, study and travel; there will always be people along the way as long as I am willing to invite them in.

Every day truly boils down to a simple question – what do YOU want right now?

 

Caring Too Much

It is odd; it’s been a while since I write a sad post.

I guess I’ve been so focused on being positive and trying to move my life forward that I’ve been trying real hard not to feel sad, but… today is my last day with my family.

My niece was born a week ago and I was fortunate enough to be at her birth. I left work mid day because my mom told me my sister was in labor and I could make the birth if I hurried.. so I did. I changed my tickets, ran home to get my bags, ran to the airport, finished my work at the airport and hopped on the plane. Then the birth lasted 3 more days so that was a bit crazy, but I don’t regret it at all because I got to watch the most wonderful baby be born and it came from a significant person in my life (my sister).

My family makes me feel happy more often than not so I truly shouldn’t complain that much, but sometimes I get so caught up in the happiness that I forget that happiness can’t come from anybody. Nobody will be the sole provider of your happiness, self-esteem and stability unfortunately.

My daze came to a subtle pause when my mom told me I should let go of the people I used to hang out with because they clearly chose my ex-boyfriend and didn’t value me. Those words struck me hard as I felt like I had not been bad to them or unworthy of their affection. Further, those words concerned me because they decreased my pool of resources significantly and left me wondering “who do I even have then?”.

I must’ve reassured myself at some subconscious level that I still had my family to support me or build me up because the next screeching halt came a few days afterwards.

The real hit, however, came when my sister made it clear that I wasn’t thought of as a suitable candidate to take care of her daughter or to be a mom really.

So you see… I am finding it a bit difficult now to believe in myself and be positive. Good news is that I bought a book called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck; hope it teaches me something because there isn’t anything I’d like more than to not give a fuck.

There is truly nothing reassuring I can say except for – there is a certain peace in understanding how truly alone we are and accepting it.

Valentine’s Day Recap

Hi there!

This is my personally long awaited V day recap.

As we all know, almost 2 months ago my ex-boyfriend ended a relationship that can only be described as toxic. Now, for many reasons or no reason at all, romance wasn’t a thing in that relationship (basically very few things were a “good” thing in that relationship). I could get into the details of why and analyzing that relationship, but it would take away from the magic of this post and this past V day in general. The summary is that romance and happiness have sort of been foreign to me for a couple of years now. You can look at my previous posts for more information.

I’ve been getting to know this guy and I won’t go into too much detail about him because it is still very new and informal so who knows what will happen.

Bottom line, however, is that I agreed to spend Valentine’s day with him. Now, I loveeee V day; regardless of how happy or unhappy I am or whether there is a formal person in my life or not I just love it!

The night before, I put together an assortment of his favorite things; this included a six pack of pepsi, sweetarts, altoids mints, my homemade sugar cookies , cat toys (for his future cats), a gratitude journal (inside joke), a hand crafted dream vault, and a V day card.

I went into work that day of course; it was a Wednesday afterall. At around noon, I get an email that I’ve received packages and they are being held at my work’s mailroom.

I go downstairs to the mailroom and see a million flower arrangements. Apparently sending flowers to work on V day is a common thing, which I was not aware of. I tell the lady my name and she brings out a box that says “berries”. I turn around and she goes “wait a minute!”, then she brings out a box of flowers too!

I didn’t take a picture of the chocolate covered strawberries, but those are the flowers. FYI white roses are my favorite.

I go about my day. Everyone in the office is already SUPER impressed with the fact that I got flowers AND berries.

I get out of work, put makeup on and head to his place.

I walk through the door and….

Fellas, this is enough to make ANY girl melt and I am no exception, BUT… that’s not all.

My boy also went all the way to UNOs pizzeria (my absolute I’LL BE YOURS FOREVER favorite pizza place) and got us a LARGE chicago deep dish pizza, mozzarella sticks and chicken fingers. Now, you and I don’t know each other all that well yet, but you have to understand… he could’ve done nothing else at all and him bringing me that out of his own initiative would’ve been enough. When I say enough, I mean enough enough. Everyone has a price and my price is chicago deep dish and mozz sticks. #noshame

Did you think I was done? Thats cute.

I also have a crazy obsession with mugs so my “after dinner present” (yes – that seems to be a thing when you are already being over the top pampered) was a mug.

Afterwards, we finished a bottle of wine and watched some Lost, which I had never watched before him and now I’m hooked on.

Guys, I know this all might sound amazing and dull in some parts at the same time, but trust me when I say that it was perfect and it was very in tune with who I am as a person, which might sound selfish but meant so much. I haven’t had such a wonderful night in what seems to be a long time.

As a bonus picture, I can actually show you how happy I was!

Letter to the Heart

Dear heart,

I need to apologize for how long it has been since we spoke; I’ve been trying to ignore you for a little while.

You see, you always tell me the truth and for a while now it has been a truth that I would rather not hear. You’ve been pointing out how sad yet hopelessly in love I was. You never lied to me about how miserable it all was and how I decided to stay in that situation in spite of that. “The heart wants what it wants” you told me.

You know I’ll always choose you above everything: above logic, above right or wrong, above gravity and above myself. If you strongly push me towards something, I’ll hardly ever say “no”. I believe that we only live life once and that you are essential in telling me what would make me happy (and sad).

I need you to know that I don’t regret anything you told me to do. I wholeheartedly believe that you told me to do it for a reason and that it all was in the name of love and the pursuit of happiness, but now you are sad and it is my turn to guide you for a change.

It is my turn to put everything you cherish away for a little while and distract you. I know you very badly want to remember and go back to those moments when you felt those incredible/beautiful highs, but you can’t and you shouldn’t want to. There is only so much we can control dear heart of mine. Sadly, we can not attain what you want right now so it is time to find you a new dream.

Now I know you are stubborn, but you are gonna be fine; you have me. You’ve made me happy and now it is my turn to make YOU happy, to honor and protect you.

Sincerely,

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